When You Are Aware, You Are There

by Timothy Kendrick

Excerpt from A Bullet In My Soul Tate Publishing 2009:


Since the dawn of man there has been light and darkness.

I don't mean just day and night. I mean a bright shining emotional high that nothing can eclipse or a two ton gorilla on your back sucking the life out of you with every step you take.

Growth Central - Depression



Before I became aware of how the universe worked I believed and was taught that my fate was already written somewhere in the sky.



Therefore all of the "things" that happened to me were supposed to happen. I accepted them and moved on.

When I was a child I dreamt of being the greatest stuntman, and athlete the world would ever see...



At 4 years old and I was figuring out a way to turn our old shed into a Pro Wrestling show. I would go to sleep at night and make up matches in my head.

At age 10 I'd imagine jumping over the levy by our house on my bike.

At 12 I would fall down our steps on purpose just to learn how to not get hurt. The sky was the limit.

Growth Central - Anxiety

But here is the kicker. The Darkness (that I was unaware of i.e. environment, family, friends) looked at me as being foolish and crazy.



Just because you are different doesn't not mean you are crazy. I used to talk to trees and kick chairs because I knew they were energy and I'd beat the hell out of them when I was angry because I knew they could feel it. At this young age I knew that EVERYTHING was made up of molecules which broken down became atoms and atoms broken down became energy.



I also knew that I could buy all of the chemicals to make up a human body from our local pharmacy and hardware store but the element of the spiritual energy i.e. the light was not there.


Growth Central - Self Esteem


I'm about 12 years old by know. So one of my stops was to the shrink.

Nobody knew what to do with me. They did the best they could. I was a kid who'd saw my friend get hit and killed by a car. I came from a broken home, and alot of the same "stuff" we all went through. "So What" I never thought about those things until society and docs started to put labels on me. Labels that did not enhance my dreams or visions for what I wanted my life to be.



This is when the real conflict began.


The darkness took over my life because I was still unaware to the power of my subconscious mind. I had surrendered and become a part of my environment.

At 18 I joined the U.S. Army. The first thing I remember hearing was "you can't read". I said nothing because I knew I could read and I knew I was still in the darkness.

Funny a few years later I took a bunch of test and the military found out I had an IQ of 143 and I became in demand. I hated the Army for the most part but they kept me around. I'd complain, bitch, and moan but when it was a shitty mission I was the guy. By this point I did not care to live or die. My friends were pills, booze, shady women and my guitar. I had acquaintances but not friends.


Growth Central - Stress Management

I began to read books on the subconscious mind and the power of it. I'd be making headway and then I would permit the darkness to pull me away from the light and my life would turn to shit again.




I was hospitalized on numerous occasions because of my flashbacks, drinking and pill popping.




Still I searched for the light. I found it in fleeting glimpses. Nothing permanent.



Then in 1987 I found a crazy recovered alcoholic dentist who taught me about awareness. He made me read books by Emmett Fox and various other Avatars I'd never heard of up until that time.



These were not the feel good kind of books I was use to reading this was the light I had to harness if I was to live a happy and prosperous life on my terms without hurting others.


Growth Central - Relationships

Sadly none of this kicked in until I was totally used up and my life was in shambles and damn near dead by the choices I had made.



It was 2004 I had just returned from Iraq. It was time to harness the power of my subconscious mind.



The light was there the whole time I just had to make it a "must" and tap into it. Yes, A MUST, no "try" not "maybe" the pain was too severe it was now A MUST!!!

The pain I had gone through over the years had gratefully given me enough leverage to make the changes in my life to become the successful person I wanted to be.



I accepted No labels from society.

I ignored docs and naysayers because I knew if I believed it I could achieve it. First I just had to visualize it in my subconscious mind. My friend Dennis says when you visualize you Crystallize.

Growth Central - Depression


Let me tell you what you focus on gets bigger and becomes a reality.


I focused on becoming prosperous. I studied prosperous people.

I focused on a loving relationship in my marriage. It became loving again.

I focused on others. By helping others I helped myself.

I read about 800 books all on self improvement and the subconscious mind.

I listened to Motivational Cd's in my car everyday.


I continue to do so because that is what keeps me in the light.

I found the only way to get more of what you want is to be grateful for what you have.

I say thank you to the universe at least 200 times a day.

I have real friends but the best friend I have is me.



The light is powerful and so is the darkness. The choice is yours.



Pain, suffering or happiness. Follow your bliss because deep within your subconscious lies the secrets of the universe. You can have, be or do whatever you want.

I guarantee if you conceived the idea there is a reason

If you believe that you can manifest it you will absolutely without a doubt achieve it.


Growth Central - Anxiety


Will you walk with faith and not sight?

Will you believe with all of your heart that there is a universal reason you had this idea come to your conscious level of thinking? Whatever that idea is.

Is there a reason you read this today?




We are all energy and there is a synchronicity when we are on the same vibrational thought process.


I believe there are no mistakes when I am following my passion.



When my physical body leaves this earth my energy will move on but for now I must act on my intuitive thoughts. I have learned from my friend Joe that the universe likes speed.




Peace an Abundant Blessings be with you



Timothy Kendrick