PTSD finding your own way
How did you find your way out of the insanity of your PTSD? I get this question quite often. After I give them my "act your way into right thinking" speech I give them a copy of my book PTSD: Pathways through the Secret Door. Lulu Press shameless plug buy it at Amazon.com
Within its 84 pages there are simple solutions to overcome, heal, and live a meaningful life.
When I was escaping from the shrinks and docs who wanted to lock me up when I was leaving Iraq. I felt nothing mainly because I had a bottle of Johnny Walker Red in me. I call that self medicating.
After years of seeing doctors and other professionals (from 93-04) I found the only way to find my way, was to find my own way. I realize that sounds a bit odd.
I tried everything that is until I drilled into my own mind and my own memories.
I was not about to share nothing with any one. I read books I went to seminars.
The only reason I took that Job in Iraq with the DOD was because I was flat broke and didn't get along with anyone because of my PTSD.
I could damn sure act though and that is what I did to get that job. Was it an unjust war? I don't know. I knew that I would be at home in that element and that I would have money. I found no WMD's by the way.
I wanted to face a demon that had haunted me since Somalia in 93.
My motives were not that pure. I loved my country yes, I had sweat and bled all over the world for America. But now it was personal. My family life was crap and I could not keep a job so I went back. This was at the beginning of OIF. Most of it is a blur of memories.
I came back in a shambles. My wife received one phone call from a flight attendant and that was it. They just said. Your husband is coming home.
Little did they know the lies and sneaking deceit I had to go through to get the hell out of that mess after they wanted to institutionalize me? Imagine me crazy, Hell I knew what was wrong with me.
When I came home in 04 I began to retrain my body and my brain. I began my own search by reading tons of books and talking to a few trusted people that would listen. Very damn few.
I noticed something when I delved into my subconscious I found many things about me and my scars or "bullets in my soul", that's what I call them, that forced me to heal. Massive action was my plan and if something did not work I tried something else. There was so much pain I had all of the leverage I needed to keep going until I found solutions.
So today I find that by helping others I help myself more than I could have ever imagined.
I am still a voracious reader and sometimes in my bed at night or in the day a trigger will remind me that I must always continue to grow.
One of my mottos is Grow or Die. Everyday we move closer to what we want or farther away. Nothing stands still.
And once again what you give you get to keep.
Today I offer love, hope, peace, prosperity, and happiness to everyone I meet instead of what my wife use to call "that look".
"That look" she talks about is when the crazy warrior would return.
Yes, I am Grateful "that look" in my eyes is very rare anymore.
Peace be with you